Homily - Sunday 1^st January 2006

At this holiday time it is a suitable occasion to reflect on the importance of the family in the Christian scheme of things.

Holiday times, especially at Christmas are times for repairs and maintenance in our families, nuclear and extended; for visiting friends and relatives, sometimes distant relatives who we do not see as regularly as we should.

Christians generally, and certainly Catholics, are seen as champions of family life.  We do not regret this, or deny it; in fact we rejoice in it.  But it helps us realise where we are to recognise that family love between spouses, between parents and children, between the children themselves is not the highest love.  It is (or should be) beautiful, pure and good, but not the top of the list.

The reason for this is not that families are always imperfect, that families can be hell for the members as well as the closest we come to heaven (although often we are oscillating between the two extremes, with an occasional dip into purgatory).  It does not help to idealise families too often.

No.  Family love is not the top of the list because the first of the two great commandments of love is love of the unseen God, while the second is love of our neighbours.  God comes first.

Moreover the category “neighbours” covers everyone, including strangers and enemies.  Jesus did not command us to love the members of our family as we love ourselves.  Sometimes even a family of criminals manages this.  No the golden rule of love includes all humans.

This was part of the reason why Jesus responded to praise of His Mother, She who gave birth to Him and suckled Him at Her breast, by replying that those who bear the word of God and keep it should be more highly praised.

Neither should we idealise the Holy Family, because they had more than their share of mishaps, hardship and tragedy.  The likelihood of divorce, giving birth in a stable; political refugees in Egypt, then the turmoil, hatred and persecution which accompanied Jesus’ life make this point clearly.

When we follow Christ he does not promise money and possessions will come to us and he does not promise us an easy, carefree life.  But knowing him does make it easier to enjoy the good times and battle through the bad times.

St. Paul in his Letter to the Colossians has something of a check list for all of our family living.  Paul urges the Colossians to allow “the message of Christ, in all its richness, to find a home with you,” and then he lists those difficult and elusive qualities which make good marriages and families; compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.  He urges the importance of forgiveness as soon as a quarrel begins; a pretty stiff test!

He then explains the duties of husbands and wives to each other and the mutual duties of children and parents.

We might acknowledge the leadership of the husband in the family in a more egalitarian way today, where there have been important and beneficial developments for wives and mothers, but mutual love, respect and gentleness are essential however we describe marriages today.

The Prophet Isaiah concentrates on the mutual responsibilities of children and parents, on the pride parents take in their children.

He is quite explicit about the duties of children to aged parents.  I remember the car sticker which ran “Take revenge.  Live long enough to be a worry to your children”.  And children do not fulfil their obligations to aged parents by placing them in an old people’s home and visiting them at Christmas and Easter.  Unfortunately many people in these homes are lonely, and good or excellent care does not compensate for absent loved ones.

Even if the father’s mind should fail, he is still to be respected.  “Kindness to a father shall not be forgotten, but will serve as a reparation for your sins”, while the person who honours his mother is “like someone amassing a fortune.”

The obligations are not only one way, owed by children to parents.  Parents also have strong duties to their children to provide time and love and care, which cannot be reduced to loads of Christmas presents and expensive holidays.  Parents must never drive their children to resentment or frustration, runs the text, and I am tempted to add “without sufficient reasons,” because especially today when the refrain that “everyone else is allowed to” is heard frequently, parents need the courage of their convictions.

Nobody is perfect, but we must continue to strive towards what is good and holy, and then the peace of Christ will reign in our hearts.